Fast Food Review: KFC Fiery Grilled Wings

Remember those commercials KFC ran on TV last year or thereabouts, where yuppie-ish kids go to a party and are astonished to discover the chain’s Hot Wings, because the notion of chicken wings being spicy without sauce is a foreign concept to them?

Those kids in that ad were either about my age or younger. And Hot Wings have been at KFC since I was in high school. If you’re in any demographic equal to or younger than mine and were not aware of Hot Wings, you were probably either home-schooled or an idiot. Not to mention you’ve spent your whole life missing out on a good thing.

Now, KFC has new Fiery Grilled Wings, and based on the reactions I’ve been hearing from people, these will linger in the memory and not be so surprising to today’s teens when they get older. I take requests for fast food reviews, and this has been the most-requested new item for review since the Subway Seafood Sensation (true fact: the number one search term bringing readers to my blog was, for months, “vagina photos.” Last week, it was finally overtaken by “subway seafood sensation.”).

My friend Brian, who is nearly always easier to please than I, calls the Fiery Grilled Wings the best fast food item out right now. Because he himself is no slouch in the grill department, that’s worth considering. It may not surprise you that I am slightly less enthusiastic.

But first off: what is up with KFC’s menu these days? It’s cluttered with pictures, presumably for the benefit of the ever-growing population of Illiterate-Americans, but it makes it very difficult to find exactly what you want, since everything’s all thrown up together like a scrapbook from hell. Such is the reason why I assumed the smallest offering of the wings was the 10-piece, for 7.99. I grumbled: too much. Would rather some variety, like 5 grilled and 5 hot. Only when I got my food did I see on the placemat a coupon for a combo featuring 5 Fiery Grilled Wings and a drink for 5 bucks. I’d swear to you that it was not anywhere to be found on the wall menu, except that I couldn’t even swear that Amelia Earhart’s corpse wasn’t somewhere on the wall menu, hidden within distracting clusters of percolating poultry parts.

So anyways...ten wings. Ten wings is overkill. But let us not hold the quantity to task for the quality. These have a smoked, slightly burnt taste that’s spicy enough to where it might have given me instant heartburn back in high school (had Zantac been around then, my life would be very different now), and yet, if I may unleash my inner Paul-Giamatti-from-Sideways, there appeared to me to be a slight hint of coconut. They don’t exactly have skin, but a thin skin-like bit. Fair enough.

And unlike El Pollo Loco’s scrawny Buffaloco Wings, these are from mighty chickens, the Schwarzeneggers of the coop. Big wings. Hell, in my day, sonny, we had chicken legs that were the size of some of these wings today. So it’s a decent sized piece of food. It is not, however, as super-tender as the meat in the deep-fried chicken strips, or even Hot Wings. This is where I start to lose my interest – like basic grilled wings you might have at someone’s house (not Brian’s – his are better), these are a bit dry and chewy, not relative to other chicken per se, but relative to KFC chicken. I expect and forgive such things in backyard barbecues, but when I come to KFC, I think I want the less “real” version.

Still, you say, surely these are a good healthier option for the eater on the go? Not so fast, kid. I went to KFC’s website and did my homework, wondering if that hint of coconut I thought I detected meant high-cholesterol coconut oil. We may never know for sure, as KFC, big on the whole Secret Recipe deal, doesn’t print ingredients like McDonalds does. But there is nutritional information, so I compared Fiery Grilled Wings to Hot Wings. Here’s the breakdown:

They have the same amount of calories, but in Fiery Grilled, 10 less of those calories are from fat. They have 3 grams more of protein (bigger wings, overall, maybe). They have zero carbs, while Hot Wings have 3 grams (due to the breading, I assume). BUT they also have 10 grams MORE cholesterol, and 50 grams more sodium. Sounds like more salt in effect (note: the press picture above depicts a sprinkling of herbs that you don’t get on the actual product, or if you do, it’s not visible). I’d love to know about the oil.

At my KFC, no dipping sauces were offered. I asked for ketchup, and got two packets. For ten wings. Not enough.

I’m sticking to Hot Wings. But now that you know there actually is a 5-piece combo, I’d suggest asking for that if you’re curious...even if you don’t see it up in the picture jumble.

Maybe if you stare long enough, it’ll pop out in 3-D, like a stereogram. Say, whatever happened to those annoying things anyway? Please don’t actually answer. I’d rather they stay away.

(For more LYT fast food reviews, click here)