"Southern Baptists Shouldn't Ride Camels": More Bad Gospel Album Art

Ok, so yesterday I touched on Handicapable Gospel Singers. But there are also a multitude of able bodied fire-and-brimstone preachers who shouldn't have been allowed near a recording studio, Dictaphone, homemade tin can and string, or otherwise. Here's a few I found while digging through records at Vintage Vinyl in St. Louis and, again, from this site.


What in Hell do I want? Well, for starters, not to be cheerfully flipping through records and suddenly getting yelled at like I was selling cell phone upgrade plans door to door. The back of the album says "If you think about it for just one moment this is one of the most logical questions you will ever be asked." Hey kids, the next time your parents ask "What in hell do you want?", tell them that's one of the most logical things you've ever been asked. Then enjoy your brisk, merciless beating with a JC Penny's fake leather belt.


"What if Mary Would Have Had An Abortion?" Wow. That's gotta be the worst Marvel "What If?" issue in the series, right above "What If Wolverine Drank and Drove the Blackbird through a Children's Hospital?" I guess the answer would be, "she'd look like someone ate the last Little Debbie's Stars & Stripes Snack Cake, just like Rev. Johnny Williams here." Actually, he looks just like when Louis Gossett Jr. wants Sean Astin to PICK UP THAT GODDAMNED BANANA in "Toy Soldiers."


"Hi! Am I a bigot? Well, I don't see any other bigots on this album cover so you must be addressing me. Also, where's Jesus? He was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago. I can't wait to meet him, I wore my bright yellow background and everything."


Record Company: "What's your album called?"

Rev. Clay Evans: "'Too Many Babies in The Church.' You know, people who are babies spiritually, but also actual babies, whom I hate. I mean, leave your kids at home Sunday Morning, you know?"

Record Company: "So for the album cover, you're thinking..."

Rev. Clay Evans: "Me riding a big camel through the desert."

Record Company: "Oh good, good...I'm glad we're all on the same page here."


Hmm...this was in the Gospel Section, but I think Rev. "Cheeks" is a Reverend the same way Sgt. Pepper served bravely in the British Army.


"Lord, Seriously...I have osteoporosis. Lubricate my bones. And maybe add some cod liver oil to my diet, and grant in me the ability to decipher double entendres as they relate to 'bone lubrication' jokes hurled in my direction."


I, umm.....I've got nothing. Except maybe "it's my world, and it's not a place I have to hide in/ Life's not worth a damn 'til you can say 'Hey world, I ammm what I am-mmmm!'"

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