Fast Food Review: The IRON MAN 2 "Whiplash Whopper" at Burger King

 Mickey Rourke on a drinking straw makes a certain amount of ironic sense. Mickey Rourke getting his own menu item at Burger King, however...I never thought I’d see that day come. A cocktail at the Frolic Room, sure. But a burger? I guess it follows when you realize that his face somewhat resembles a pound of ground beef.

Note to Mickey, on the offchance you’re reading this: I dig your stuff. I have the giant talking Marv toy. Please don’t punch me in the face; I only kid because I love. And because it’s really easy.

Other aspects make this whole thing even more puzzling. Like, I doubt Mickey has set foot inside a Burger King in years. Also, it would surely be cheaper to use a masked character from IRON MAN 2, so as not to have to pay likeness rights. Plus, has there ever been a fast food item before that was named for a movie’s villain rather than a hero? The closest I can recall is the Slimer Sundae that I think Hardee’s did for GHOSTBUSTERS 2, but by then Slimer had been established as a good guy in the cartoon, and he more-or-less turned good in the movie too. Obviously, “Whiplash Whopper” has an alliterative quality. But so does “War Machine Whopper.”

 

When I told my girlfriend I had had a Whiplash Whopper, she immediately thought I’d been in a car accident (and she has seen IRON MAN 2, in which the character is never EVER actually referred to as “Whiplash”). Burger King’s marketing geniuses don’t seem to have considered that angle, which would seem obvious given that Mickey Rourke looks like he's been hit by a car (something that happens again in IRON MAN 2). But maybe “War Machine Whopper” sounds too much like a description of something former President Bush might have uttered, while wearing a flight-suit or something.

The Whiplash Whopper will probably not give you a neck injury. As for stomach injuries, that may be up to you, as it is available with single, double, or triple meat patty. I tasted the double, which seemed to make a kind of sense, as Whiplash has two whips. But I may have overdone it. Sort of like Mickey Rourke with booze...and almost everything else (see? Cheap, AND easy. Jokes write themselves.).

Or, how about this: to properly consume the triple Whiplash Whopper, you need a stomach that’s made of IRON, MAN!!!!

Not really. But c’mon, I couldn’t NOT take that shot.

Before I get to the burger itself, here’s one thing I like about Burger King: the “suggested pairings” on their soda machine, as if somehow the various forms of sugar-water were fine wine, to be properly matched with the haute cuisine that is a Whopper™. Diet Coke goes well with a salad? Are you nuts? Diet Coke is what makes the burger and fries meal more guilt-free...everybody knows that. Of course, everybody also knows that it doesn’t matter what soda you have with which piece of overly processed meat, but it’s amusing anyway.

What I don’t like: a ketchup pump at which one push of the button overflows the tiny paper cups made available. It got ketchup on my fingers, which I didn’t notice till I’d also gotten it on my hat. And my hat is awesome, people. It does not deserve red stains. Bigger paper cups, or a weaker pump, oh Scary King-Mask Dude. Please.

Wait a second. I just, like, figured something out. The Burger King has a scary mask...and Mickey Rourke’s face looks like a scary mask! This pairing is getting better and better.

Okay, let’s get down to iron tacks. The Whiplash Whopper boasts something that I think is a first: fried red pepper sticks. Like, onion straws, except they’re spicy red peppers. And Whiplash is a former Soviet, so that makes sense.

Then there’s pepper jack cheese, and spicy mayo. Points for not calling the spicy mayo “chipotle,” I guess, but be glad I overcame my anti-mayo bias so easily. And naturally, lettuce and tomatoes.

The spiciness level is decent. It’s not at the kick-ass degree that true foodies love, but for teens and kids – presumably the demographic here – who are just starting their adventure into the world of hot stuff, and afraid of Del Taco’s Inferno sauce...this is a good starter. It won’t give most people indigestion, but it will give more flavor than your average bland beefburger.

I’ll tell you one major reason I don’t suggest anything bigger than the single, though, and it’s not just that the toppings are more flavorful than BK’s generic liquid-smoke-flavored patties: there was nothing between the two pieces of meat. No cheese, no sauce, just two burgers atop each other. That ain’t right. No other chain would think that was right. At least I hope not.

You can add your own ketchup, and I suggest you do if you go that route – the burgers get dry without. Going for the single, however, should solve all the issues. Unless, like Mickey Rourke in his last movie, you prefer it when your stomach has to wrestle what could be its last big match.

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