World Soccer: "He's Not That Kind of Pitch."
|
Mar 9 2010, 12:03 AM
Last Tuesday, the England squad trotted out to face Egypt in their final warm-up game before Fabio Capello picks his squad for the World Cup this summer. Considering this was a friendly match, the players probably didn't expect to be on the receiving end of such violently reckless treatment throughout the game, let alone from so unlikely a suspect.
One player in particular, Wayne Rooney, England's goal scoring machine, was bullied and bruised all match by a hideous monster that was hiding in plain sight - the Wembley pitch. In a game that meant nothing, it was shocking to see an innocent young lad like Rooney suffering through 90 minutes of what can only be described as a brutal assault. At times, tufts of this so called, "turf," could actually be seen deliberately uprooting themselves in an attempt to injure the England starlet. As a result, Saint Roo has been listed as "very doubtful" for Manchester United's crucial Champions League second-leg tie against AC Milan this week. Sir Alex Ferguson, Rooney's club manager, quite rightly criticized the playing surface, saying "The Wembley pitch has killed him." (via TeamTalk).
Wembley groundskeeper, Martin McTraitor, ridiculously defended his shoddy work by claiming, "He's not that kind of pitch. Ferguson doesn't know the pitch like I do, and he would never deliberately try to hurt a player."
What a load of bollocks. Fergie has every right to be angry, as does anyone who wishes our fine young lads well in South Africa this summer. To be honest, it wouldn't surprise me in the least to learn that the pitch was imported from a country known for cheating: France.
How dare these foreigners come to our country and hurt our heroes? I urge you to write The FA and demand that they sack the harbinger of football terrorism responsible for this atrocity
Anyone wishing to send a letter to poor little Wayne to lift his beleaguered spirits can direct their messages here.
In other news, some Welsh chap broke his own leg and blamed it on Ryan Shawcross.
Come on England!!!
*In case you hadn't deduced it, this article is a joke. As far as I can tell, Wembley Stadium currently has no head groundskeeper since the previous grass gaffer, Steve Welch, was fired in April, 2009 for producing a similarly crap pitch. If Wembley Stadium itself is any indication of how long it will take to fix this problem, England fans can expect a respectable playing surface some time in the mid 23rd century.*
Last Tuesday, the England squad trotted out to face Egypt in their final warm-up game before Fabio Capello picks his squad for the World Cup this summer. Considering this was a friendly match, the players probably didn't expect to be on the receiving end of such violently reckless treatment throughout the game, let alone from so unlikely a suspect.
One player in particular, Wayne Rooney, England's goal scoring machine, was bullied and bruised all match by a hideous monster that was hiding in plain sight - the Wembley pitch. In a game that meant nothing, it was shocking to see an innocent young lad like Rooney suffering through 90 minutes of what can only be described as a brutal assault. At times, tufts of this so called, "turf," could actually be seen deliberately uprooting themselves in an attempt to injure the England starlet. As a result, Saint Roo has been listed as "very doubtful" for Manchester United's crucial Champions League second-leg tie against AC Milan this week. Sir Alex Ferguson, Rooney's club manager, quite rightly criticized the playing surface, saying "The Wembley pitch has killed him." (via TeamTalk).
Wembley groundskeeper, Martin McTraitor, ridiculously defended his shoddy work by claiming, "He's not that kind of pitch. Ferguson doesn't know the pitch like I do, and he would never deliberately try to hurt a player."
What a load of bollocks. Fergie has every right to be angry, as does anyone who wishes our fine young lads well in South Africa this summer. To be honest, it wouldn't surprise me in the least to learn that the pitch was imported from a country known for cheating: France.
How dare these foreigners come to our country and hurt our heroes? I urge you to write The FA and demand that they sack the harbinger of football terrorism responsible for this atrocity
Anyone wishing to send a letter to poor little Wayne to lift his beleaguered spirits can direct their messages here.
In other news, some Welsh chap broke his own leg and blamed it on Ryan Shawcross.
Come on England!!!
*In case you hadn't deduced it, this article is a joke. As far as I can tell, Wembley Stadium currently has no head groundskeeper since the previous grass gaffer, Steve Welch, was fired in April, 2009 for producing a similarly crap pitch. If Wembley Stadium itself is any indication of how long it will take to fix this problem, England fans can expect a respectable playing surface some time in the mid 23rd century.*
Comments
Sign in to comment with your TypePad, Twitter, Facebook, Google, Yahoo or OpenID.