Fast Food Review: Olympic McNuggets and Shamrock Shakes

McDonald’s and the Olympics go together almost as well as Percy Jackson and the Olympians (I assume; haven’t seen the movie but the title does imply some sort of concordance). Who can forget 1984, when they ran a promotion to give away free food if the U.S. team won medals? The subsequent boycott by the Russians led to the U.S. winning a lot more events than expected, and Mickey D’s likely gave away more freebies than their bean-counters had hoped. But y’know, they probably made many new loyal customers that way...I can say that, speaking for myself, 1984 was the first year I ever tasted a Chicken McNugget.

McDonald’s may not have invented the chicken nugget, but they damn sure made it famous; the McNugget is an all-time classic that belongs in any hypothetical fast food Hall of Fame alongside the French fry and nachos. Kids today often grow up eating little besides chicken nuggets (I have two younger brothers who prove the rule), so it seems a little unfair in hindsight that, when I was a wee one, they did not exist! And I didn’t like McDonald’s burgers as a kid either, so when other children would have group outings to McDonald’s, there was very little I could eat. Here, the McNugget swooped in to save the day around 1980, but I grew up in Ireland, and it wasn’t until the late ‘80s that they made it across the Atlantic and became a weekly addiction for young LYT (one of many reasons Ireland sucked).

But we’ve gotten off the original point, which was the Olympics. To celebrate the winter version this year, McDonald’s is doing a Chicken McNugget promotion that introduces a sweet chili sauce for a limited time. Why sweet chili sauce? It isn’t clear. Could be that spiciness is to counter the cold, or it could be that since Vancouver is about as Asian a city as L.A. is Mexican, the faux-Asian is a sop to locals. Why anyone in Vancouver would eat at McDonald’s when the city is home to the best sushi I’ve ever eaten is beyond me (two words, Vancouver locals: “Kamei Royale.” Had my first and only live lobster sashimi there to date. Yes folks, sometimes I like really good food too).

So: the sweet chili sauce is almost literally what the name says. A sweet, viscous jelly with chili flakes suspended in the syrup. Not entirely unlike the sauce for Panda Express’ orange chicken, except the likelihood that anything resembling a fruit made it into the ingredients seems low (I could do some research on that, but why? It’s just a goddamn dipping sauce, people). It’s tasty enough, and probably bad for you. McNugget sauce options certainly could stand a kick in the pants every now and then, but this is more like a gentle toe-tap.

That isn’t the only thing that makes these McNuggets “Olympic,” however. The box also contains a trivia question. Mine was “Which two countries south of the equator have won medals at the Olympic Winter Games?” Options are Brazil, Australia, South Africa, and New Zealand.

So you have a pretty good chance of guessing this one correctly, as you need only pick two out of four. But McDonald’s doesn’t want any of their customers to feel stupid, because in all probability, people who eat at McDonald’s frequently are the type who get made fun of for being stupid in their daily lives by everyone else already. So the box also gives you a hint, and it is this: “When enjoying juicy, tender Chicken McNuggets made with white meat, they g’dunk and g’dip them. (Now that really is a g’day!)”

First thought: does anyone else miss the days when McNuggets WEREN’T all white meat? You’d always have the one or two made from greasy dark meat parts – sometimes there’d be gristle, but it was worth the occasional risk for a little Nugget variety. I guess those ultimately didn’t test well. These are for finicky kids like the young me, after all.

Second thought: Apparently, McDonald’s believes that Australians and New Zealanders use “g-apostrophe” the same way McDonald’s uses “Mc” in the naming of menu items.

Third thought: Do athletes really eat Chicken McNuggets? I would tend to doubt the best ones do, and if they do, they probably lack the leisure time to be g’dunking and g’dipping. But this is all Speculative McThinking.

Now, if I may, let me veer the subject dramatically back to Ireland.

I never had a Shamrock Shake as a kid. Not because Ireland sucked, though it did...but because I never liked mint ice cream when I was younger, and I also found McDonald’s shakes too sweet. Yes, a kid who found things too sweet. I was never a conformist. (That, or I was in training to join the N.W.O.)

But last week, you, my readers, all spoke as one. All over Twitter, y’all made sure to make me aware that Shamrock Shakes had returned. And I heard you.

You know who didn’t hear you? McDonald’s. Because after I ordered my Olympic McNuggets, I asked for a Shamrock Shake, and the cashier said she wasn’t sure if they were even going to do them this year. I mentioned the Twitter feed. The manager heard me. And yes, apparently I had walked in on Day One of Shamrockdom. So I think I got the first one they made. Which may or may not account for my not liking it much.

Yep, these shakes are still too sweet. Take already sweet ice cream, mix in concentrated green syrup which has a taste of mostly sugar, and you are talking instant-onset diabetes, potentially. I’m okay with mint ice cream as an adult, but I prefer it to be broken up with chunks of stuff, like Oreos. A Shamrock McFlurry might be more my speed. Mint isn’t an especially Irish flavor, but it is green. A proper Irish flavor would taste like coffee, or Ben & Jerry’s “Black & Tan” Guinness/chocolate mix.

Fact is, you probably already know if you like the Shamrock Shake or not. It’s still an improvement over the Ghostbusters II “Slimer Sundae” that Hardee’s did back in 1989. Green slime topping = barftastic.

But the shakes do put the “Mick” into “Mickey D’s.” No question.

More LYT Fast Food Reviews may be found at this link